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lil bit about me..
born and grew in surabaya
spent some time in singapore, learning about life
currently in jatinangor, pursuing dreams of life
likes coffee, good read, dr.gregory house, and sushi
hates being ill
enjoy reading! marita
Thursday, June 04, 2009
yet another challenge for us med students and anyone in the health profession : cerita ibu prita
by the way.. i will be going to S to theP to theA to theI to theN coz i am accepted for the exchange! :)
thinking of matadors.rafael nadal.tommy robredo.zara haha.. so shallow :p
shall go back studying. Clinical exam in 3 days' time. Holiday's up afterwards!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Finally, SOOCA is over! I've never imagined there'd be such nerve-wrecking moments in my life. Perspirations, palpitations, headaches, tremor.. every symptoms of panic attacks all at once! And it wasn't just me; it happened to almost everyone inside the isolation room.
Confused much? Ok, here's the thing.
SOOCA, in second year, is an oral exam testing the med student's on their comprehensive knowledge about the 31 cases on reproductive system, endocrine system, and neurobehavior (neurology + psychiatry), all of which have been learnt for the past year. Doesn't sound too bad this way, but the truth is, SOOCA is soooo scary because: 1. it is preluded with an isolation system where all students who are having the exam on that day are crammed into one room, each with their own worries. imagine the situation! and not one person -even the brightest, most prepared ones- is not worried. 2. out of the 31 cases learnt, only 7 will be tested per day. out of the 7 tested, each student will only get to present ONE single case. point is, can't even think about leaving even a single case out, because it might just be the one that we have to present. the cases that have come out today may or may not be coming out the next day. aaaargghh. of course, there were nice doctors who would give us clues + directions on what cases would come out.. but still,, there is no guarantee... 3. the case presentation would be done in a small room whereby there will only be the student and two doctors as examiners. tension! 4. the score would be told to the student at the end of his/her presentation. more tension! 5. the score would weigh exactly 50% of the 26 credits we take for reproductive, endocrine, and neurobehavior system! which means.. if we screw this up, there's hardly any chance to pull up our grades (the written exam is more difficult, but less distress-causing). wayyyy more tension! 6. it is not impossible to fail! and this is the worst part, i think. because, once one fails, one can only get a maximum C for the exam..
ahhhh! conclusion is.. i think my panic attacks were well-reasoned-out.. :D
what happened to me? okay, to be honest, i wanted so badly to nail sooca down. i wanted to get a very, very high A. why? i kind of screwed up my reproductive system written exam, and a very high A could lay me an A still for repro. i didn't want to wind up retaking my written exam just to chase the A grade during remedials in mid-july later, because i signed up for the exchange to spain and i really wanted to go. so, i prepared myself for the war. there were group studies, staying-over-at-jessi's-place, burning-out-the-midnight-oil, sleepless nights.. but still, i don't have enough time to prepare. or maybe my time management wasn't good enough. or maybe again, my overdetailed approach on every cases cost me too much time. i didn't go through every case properly.. so on the day of exam, i panicked. in the isolation room, where one should be relaxing or reviewing, i was frantically trying to memorize facts.. when my name finally got called, there was nothing i could do anymore, so i just gathered my things, said my prayer..believing in miracle. as always. (i have lots of encounters with miracle in the past oral exams :) ) went to the drawing room, pulled out a card numbered 11. Didn't have a clue what case would no.11 be. Being handed on the question paper. Trying to read from the back, but the doctor in charge quickly told us not to. and the case was.. STROKE. atherothrombotic infarct stroke.
i read through the question paper. whatttt?? this is so different from the case we learnt! what possibly cause the stroke?? there's no risk factor.. and why is the sensory function spared while the lesion is on the parietal lobe??? damn damn.. and why can't i remember about the difference between central lesions and peripheral lesions of cranial nerve VII and XII?
i tried to calm down. and wrote down whatever i think is relevant. 30 minutes went away fast.
it was time for me to enter the presentation room. the examiners were.. dr.nurdjaman -neurologist- and dr.birgitta -pathologist- heard they were lineant.. i presented. dr. nurdjaman asked a lot of questions during my presentation (guiding questions, definitely).. i screwed up my explanations on cranial nerve. i didn't explain the histology of brain because i didn't think i have to. i didn't explain the role of glutamate in stroke because i didn't think i have to. i totally forgot to mention the ethical aspect of the case. i was asked to leave the room for a while after my presentation; apparently the two doctors need to discuss something. and then i was called back.
and.. i conquered. :) not in the full sense of the word, no, because i didn't achieve that high, high A that i have in mind. but.. it is still an A and it is still a nice score to have and it still feels like it's worth all the pain i went through studying for the exam.
i conquered! eventhough i don't think i deserve the conquest. ahhh.. miracle yet again. thank You.
written exams coming up! and skill exams too.. shall start preparing again. a day's break is never much. but it is enough.
sidenote: want to watch angels & demons. want to go for vacation.. bali? singapore? want to eat good food.. jatinangor's food is getting boring. happy because Roland Garos's on TV!!! :) :) Go Roger, go Roger!
Saturday, May 02, 2009
i remember situations whereby i couldn't wait for the day to be over. lots of such situations, actually :D however, i only can recall ONE particular incident whereby the situation went on for weeks, even months, in a degree so deep even the memory of it pains me. it happened five years back, when i was in my first year of junior college. i shouldn't talk about why. my daily activity went like this: every morning, i wouldn't want to wake up; i would hate the rituals of taking a bath, putting on my uniform, taking breakfast downstairs at the Dunman canteen, and taking a bus to school. as a result, i would delay my waking-up time until it was just enough time for me to do rush through everything. i hated seeing people, i would purposely not saying hi to anyone i met. i avoided any kind of school work. i skipped school whenever i could get away with it. i did not go out. i shut myself from everyone. the overall effect? well, as expected, my life was a mess. it took time to rebuild what was left of me.. luckily i had friends to help me get through it :)
well. that was the first i ever had, and, as is everything first, there's bound to be the second, third, fourth, etc.
i have been to the second.
similar symptoms, similar signs. lucky thing, this time i anticipated it ^^ therefore, i was able to put forward certain steps to manage the outcome. and i have dearboyfriend to help me through it.
now i'm back! haha..
SOOCA, here I come! i'm prepared to win you over ;)
btw. i just watched harry potter and the half blood prince's trailer on EH's blog. it's dark in a captivating, calling-you-over-to-find-out-more way. seductive.
anyway. i signed up for the a research exchange to spain since february, but haven't been notified about the outcome yet... true, i was told that i am the only one signing up from Indonesia, and true again, Indo has one slot to be filled.. but then again, what can I do if Spain doesn't want me?? btw, a classmate -JC- has been notified that she's going to Czech. coolness!
back to daily grind.. i have these many task to do : 1. learning issue (in class): physiology of vision. due TOMORROW. 2. learning issue (in academic div.): dizziness and vertigo. due TUESDAY. 3. SOOCA draft : diabetes mellitus, cerebral palsy. due TUESDAY. 4. Olymphiart: secretary's report. due TUESDAY. 5. AMSA research team: chief report. due TUESDAY. 6. lab activity: anatomy, histology, physiology of eye. due TOMORROW. 7. AMSA multicenter research: call & meet up dr. bachti. due THURSDAY.
ok, shall stop procastinating!
"procastination is the thief of time" - anonymous
Friday, April 17, 2009
a lil flashback..
Friday, April 17, 2009
A senior (I duely respect this senior much) who shall not be named asked me to approach her, saying, "Mar, I heard there are internal problems in Olymphiart organizing committee itself.." A question which -unfortunately- I couldn't answer immediately. I looked above for a while, then answering, "No, there isn't one". But the senior pressed, "Somebody approached me and complained to me about it." To which my answer was, "No, there isn't one. None that I know of anyway." The senior kept pressing, "I heard the complain that the organizing comittee doesn't get the essence of Olymphiart itself -that is, togetherness-". But my answer was still the same :) (and it was an honest answer! I didn't know if there was any problem with us getting the essence of this whole thing) The senior would probably have kept pressing me had Uno didn't suddenly show up. Luckily he did, and the senior asked him instead; good thing, his answer was the same as mine :)
Okay, so the above paragraph doesn't actually warrant any problem. I am just rather subdued that people could easily come up to that senior, complaining (do they even know what they're complaining about?), without bothering to fix the problem with the OC itself first. Purely childlike behavior, if I might add.
The rest of the day proceeded with football and vocal group competitions.
By the way, Have I ever thought that no-Mocca-at-Gathering-Night as a gift? Never, not even in my dreams. But it actually is :) How? It's rather complex to describe, so let's just put it as, one less attraction for Gathering Night enables the rest of Olymphiart to proceed. Talk about blessing in disguise. Anyway, this should remind me, out of anything, that: God always knows best, so never have doubt in your faith.
Saturday, April 18, 2009 i.e TODAY
It's the day of Amazing Race : 13.00H-17.00H
I was supposed to be in-charge for one small station where teams that arrive there should switch their left-right shoes and tie it together with a partner before being sent off to a big station. A small station. But because of one thing that led to another, I was suddenly in charge of the triathlon. A BIG station. The FIRST station. THE STARTING POINT. FYI, readers, if you do happen to know me well, I am one who always have to be prepared for every damn thing, even to the minute details. I hate it when I am not prepared, and the unpreparedness would haunt me throughout.
During the course of the triathlon itself, participants were supposed to complete four traditional-competition-type tasks. I was rather clueless about the competition itself, and, as a result, I was unprepared. As a result, I lost my air of 'coolness' to the point that an excitatory stimuli may just be enough to cause me to 'burn'. There were, unfortunately, a helluva stimuli; be it the uncooperating participants, the "where-are-the-******?" moments, the "sorry-we-broke-the-******" moments, etc. So, there I was: burnt -and I believe it was not a pleasant sight nor sound for the senses-
Regrets? Yes. Definitely. I wasn't myself. I am sorry.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
"And so we give in to temptation, all the while knowing come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences"
And I am guilty..
Anyways. Everyone seems to have started studying for SOOCA :( it kills me inside that i haven't even touched any notes.. but i haven't found the drive within me to start. I know that, without the drive, there'd be no chance of me excelling. However, as a friend puts it, let the dogs bark.
Something that I learnt this week is, being altruistic is extremely difficult, especially if one is happen to be born with lack of self-sacrificing quality. You know one of those moments when someone else gets the appreciation for the good work that you have done, and that someone does not even bother to appreciate you back -not the slightest- ? Instead, she shamelessly push you to work even more for the cause (while you already know full well that no credits will be given to you)? I had that particular encounter yesterday :( I was pretty devastated, but a few hours of reflection got me back up.. As he puts it, when such thing happens, just re-evaluate your goals, and think whether this work you do is consistent with what you really want in the end. And if it is, there is nothing in this world, let alone just a shameless b*tch, may stop you from achieving it. Live your dream true to yourself.
I did say I want to blog about SLBN Cicendo.. but i'm currently in no mood on writing about it. So, let's save it for another day.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
yesterday's opening ceremony was a BLAST ! filled with free-flowing ice creams, drinks, brought-to-life fairytale characters, and of course.. the proletarians of four countries : 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008. shouldn't disclose any further info about the ceremony, though, 'coz it is kinda reserved by the blogs competing in Olymphiart's very own blog competition.. still curious? for details of the ceremony, click here or this. There are other blogs, but those two gave the most comprehensive description, i think :)
anyway.. i was very tired after the ceremony; i went straight to deep slumber when i reached my place :D (and only woke up at 5 am)
today, i went for this thing called extramural activity -an activity carried out once per semester as a part of bioethics & humaniora programme, a compulsory subject in my course of study-. Went to Sekolah Luar Biasa Cicendo (translate : School for People with Disabilities). Will blog about this tomorrow, I think.. I'm too sleepy to continue typing. It is, after all, almost 3 AM..
Friday, April 10, 2009
I've been reading my old entries for the past few hours.. What a life I had in Singapore :) full of emotions -laughters and cries-
Anyway.. I read the entries for a reason. I am currently faced with a situation similar to what I encountered almost four years ago. I am determined that the outcome is not the same..
What bugged me these days are not these stuff, though. It is something else.. Probably as a result of certain failure in my oral stage of psychodevelopment, I have grown as an individual who can easily "fall". Recently, there has been one particular stimuli which intermittently pushes me backward and pull me back up. I am rocked, and I don't like it. It would be easier if it just goes away, but I'm not sure I want it to go away (actually, it kinda feels like guilty pleasure for now). I'm trying to balance myself as best as I could, but as experience had it, I tend to not be balanced anyway -I tend to follow my heart, ignoring my head- only to realize in the end that, I should have learned my balancing acts more dilligently..
history is there so that mankind doesn't repeat mistakes done in the past, but can we ever do so?
Updates! It was election day yesterday.. and.. I confess I am guilty of not voting! I had no opinion about which party or senator will be best representing me.. so I chose not to say anything. I'm sorry, dear Indonesia.. Next time I'll do better than this.
OLYMPHIART is coming in three days' time. Hopefully our hard work, sweats and tears have not gone in waste; hopefully this competition brings forth to all the campus community what it is supposed to bring: joy, fun, and togetherness. Amin.
It's been three months since I joined Senat and Olymphiart OC.. and boy, what vast knowledge, what colorful experience I've encountered.. Ecstasy, dismay, drive, pushing-through-when-everything-seems-impossible.. True, it presents the challenge of balancing studies and work, and probably it requires a certain sacrifice on fun, but the whole experience has not been less than satisfying.
Another benefit that I have come to experience is, that in the process of doing all these, I begin to come to terms with myself. I begin to let myself be, not controlling it so much. I begin to let loose. I begin to dream again. Like a cripple suddenly having a newfound faith, I who have been wounded and scared, is earning the will to learn to walk again. The work smoothes it out, but I know this awakening is first initiated by YOU. Thankyou so much.