lil bit about me..
born and grew in surabaya
spent some time in singapore, learning about life
currently in jatinangor, pursuing dreams of life
likes coffee, good read, dr.gregory house, and sushi
hates being ill
enjoy reading!
marita
2:15 PM
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Rotting in school's Hub now because, for once, there is a gap of three hours between end of lesson and starting of guitar. Plus the fact that there is no schoolwork to be done as tomorrow and friday would be Sports Carnival. My idleness is complete.
Hmmm.. somehow I don't mind guitar practices that last till 9pm. I feel happy when I'm rehearsing, especially so if the whole ensemble hit the correct tune and rhythm throughout. Guitar is my escapism? Likely. Where I can forget about the whole "class" thing and everything else. Hahaha. Sounds damn drama.
Three more days to home.
Was quite surprised when Asih told me that the whole sports carnival and president's challenge thing was bullshit. Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that the school administration was merely after students' money. For a right cause, of course, but I dislike the means they are obtaining it. Fact has it that two of my classmates, who are by nature a sport person, refused to join the run for President's Challenge thing. So CG rep reported these two cases to the teacher-in-charge Rita Wong that the two are involved in organizing the whole Challenge thing, thus they do not need to participate. What Ms Wong then told the CG Rep was quite shocking, "Oh, so your friend Sherwin is not going to participate? But please ask him to donate money." As if it wasn't bad enough, shamelessly she repeated the same line when CG rep told her about the other classmate-Kar Gea.
Yucks...
I'm giving a second thought about running 2.8km tomorrow. I hate the way they use sports to do this.
Will be replacing Yas for basketball, though.
Nothing much to blog nowadays...
9:51 PM
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
i'm in! i'm in! i'm in astro challenge.nevermind i'm in team two, team one is for the smarter ppl..i get to compete, that's good enough :)my team members: jazz, gorilla, michelle and chun yen :Don another note, a sadder one:haiyah, i'm quite sickened by certain someoneit's like, i do SO MUCH for her FOR NOTHINGshe doesn't even have the grace to thank menot in words, let alone in actionsso, i think I SHOULD GIVE UPi was super pissed that i felt like crying during lessonit was too much to bear reallyso irritating for whatso selfishblablablalet's not think about itjust look forward for brighter stuff, like going home...twelve more days!
10:05 PM
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Exactly two weeks before my departure to Surabaya! Yayeee! Many things to be done include practicing real hard for guitar concert and guitar performance on College Day (this week there are five practices!), studying for astro challenge (if i am in), and buy present for daddy (his birthday was march 22) and lil bro (birthday coming.. may 19), and of course, collect my ticket home.
Anyway, today I encountered an SMU advertisement printed on one of Saturday Times' page.. there were five people wearing all sorts of different clothes jumping. They are apparently five freshmen in SMU. I sorta glanced through the names of the people, and I was rather surprised to note that I know TWO of the people!
Phuong, a Vietnamese senior in SCGS and Alvin, an Indonesian SJI senior, both of which lived in CJC Hostel with me in 2002. And below their names there was a brief list of their achievements. TUINGGGG. Somehow I was led to think that THIS was supposed to be the fate of scholars. Then TUIIINNGG. My mind flashed back to Wednesday's talk with some Permanent Secretary of Defense in school.. and was reminded about how arrogant Singapore is as a country. So TUIIINGGG. Made up my mind that NO NO DIE DIE I'M NOT GONNA BE A SINGAPOREAN. Yeah. If I have to be a PR to work, okay, I'll take it. But after my bond is over, I'm just gonna let it go and be a normal working Indonesian adult. Really. There's no way I'm parting with some of my loyalty to a country that seems to see my country as chaotic.
WOOOOPS! Better not saying this out loud! Even if only written in my blog, I could get sued. Remember the PSC Scholar's case? Bleah. And they dare to think that they're a democratic country.
Flashback...Friday, May 13, 2005A tiring day! Went to school, sat for FM Statistics test which I think I'm gonna flunk (first question, worth 18 marks, I seriously have no clue on how to tackle it), studied for Astro Test during lecture periods (in other words, I skipped lectures) with Jazz in library. Was very very happy getting 25.5 for GP essay. After school, studied Astro again in Library with Jazz again, Jia En and Hazel joining this time. At 2.30pm, went for guitar all the way till 6pm. The rehearsal in Audi was damn sucky what with the rat-like Jagit Than nagging at us, treating us like shit. Went to Bedok Central to buy flowers for Asih and Kenneth, but by the time we reach ACS (B) Hall, the petal have either shriveled or dropped off. Decided not to give the flowers to them becoz they are terribly unsightly.Una Voce was a very enjoyable concert, except for some performances, such as the Year 2 Chorus and the Alumni performance. The concert started off well with a good choice of pieces, but it became boring when the Year 2 sang under the student conductors. The first half was then ended when they sing Bin-Nam-Ma!, the choir's choice piece for this year's SYF, at which they have obtained a gold. It was REALLY REALLY WELL-PERFORMED. The movements, the sound effects (sirene, water coming) and the choreography was really well-planned. Intermission lasted for twenty minutes before the second half of the concert was started with the Alumni taking over the stage. Sadly, sadly, even with Charles' presence, the performance wasn't good.. it was too draggy. I even STONED when I listened to them. After three songs which I could only say "so-so" the Broadway Production started. Highly entertaining with their colourful costumes and beautiful choreography, the Choir presented West Side Story, Miss Saigon and The Panthom of The Opera. Asih looked real 'bitchy' and prostitute-like (LOL) while Kenneth really really looked like a panthom. Heehee. Overall, it was a nice concert, much better compared to last year :D This time: SERIOUSLY worth the time and money!After the concert, went to have supper with the direct Malaysians... hmm.. YC, EH, KL, FC, A, K, (okey the last two refers to Adrian and Kenny.. "A" and "K" looked funny haha). Initially there were CY, CL and KW, but the three went off earlier. Anyway, we ate at the famous Newton hawker centre.. had stingray with EH, KL, FC, yummy but was hot, and shared carrot cake with YC. Fell in love with sea coconut! Haha. I swear it's gonnabe my favourite dessert.Reached home at 12.15AM. Smelt satay and smoke from my shirt. Bathed and.. collapsed.Saturday, May 14, 2005Early morning at 7am, was woken up by EH's knocking on my door. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, and then I was off to school for guitar practice. Was quite pissed off knowing that some actually said that we guitar people did not put in effort for concert :(Reached home at about 12, only with CY this time because YC and EH went to celebrate KL's birthday in Orchard while Pat had some Exco meeting. Met Fungus on the way back, had lunch, decided to have dinner-cum-supper at Old Airport road :D because me, Fung, YZ and CF had never been there before. Slept for the whole afternoon, woke up at 5pm and studied Astro, went off to Ol' Airport at 8pm. Ate stingray, carrot cake and satay, plus sea coconut of course. Went back by 10.30pm, bathed and took the difficulllltttt astro test at 11pm. Filed my stuff, read Time magazine and slept.WHAT A DAY...Oh yeah! And in the morning, was quite intrigued by YC's question, "After the night out yesterday (referring to fri 13/05), are you still scared of Adrian?".What a rhetorical question!!!!!!OF COURSE! HOW NOT TO BE SCARED OF HIM, PRAY TELL??Okay, generally (chen-nerally, quoting mr.goh) he's a funny and nice guy, but perhaps must be a bit extra sensitive when talking to him. That's why he's scary: one can't afford to insult him. Even when it is unintended. So yeah. Till the day I am sensitive enough, I'd still be scared.
7:33 PM
Monday, May 09, 2005
hmmm. monday's good; mainly because of NO PE!! Can you believe that? No PE! I was praying for the sun to be a lil tamer by afternoon but it would just shine strong... When the clock stroke three pm today and Mrs Yong released us from class, I just ate up the thought that I'd get REAL BLACK, SWEATY, AND UNCOMFORTABLE after PE today.. let alone the thought that PE would be damn sticky due to weather. I walked.. walked to the Sports Complex, when Timo suddenly told us that PE was cancelled due to the many sports events held in TJ that day. Initially I din't believe him; he must have been up to something (again), but when Yi Zhen, the ever reliable Yi Zhen, told me so, too, I jumped with joy straightaway. HEY, MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!
but tuesday won't be good. I have F.Maths Test. The last Mechanics test for the year! YAyeeee.. I'd better ace it, or else!
4:31 PM
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Maggie said, ‘The real tie lies in the feelings and expectations we have raised in other minds. Else all pledges might be broken, when there was no outward penalty. There would be no such thing as faithfulnessLife is very difficult. It seems right to me sometimes that we should follow our strongest feeling; - but then, such feelings continually come across the ties that all our former life has made for us - the ties that have made others dependent on us - and would cut them in two. If life were quite easy and simple, if life did not make duties for us before love comes - love would be a sign that two people ought to belong to each other. But I see - I feel it is not so now: there are things we must renounce in life. Many things are difficult and dark to me - but I see one thing quite clearly - that I must not, cannot seek my own happiness by sacrificing others. Love is natural - but surely, faithfulness and memory are too. And they would live in me still, and punish me if I didn’t obey them. I should be haunted by the suffering that I had caused. Our love would be poisoned.‘If we acted with the thinking that the feeling which draws us towards each other is too strong to be overcome, that natural law surmounts every other and we can’t help what it clashes with, there would be a warrant for all treachery and cruelty - we should justify breaking the most sacred ties that can ever be formed on earth. If the past is not to bind us, where can duty lie? We should have no law but the inclination of the moment.‘Maggie did not answer immediately. ‘That seems right - at first - but when I look further, I’m sure it is not right. Faithfulness and constancy mean something else besides doing what is easiest and pleasantest to ourselves. They mean renouncing whatever is opposed to the reliance others have in us - whatever would cause misery to those whom the course of our lives have made dependent on us. I have never said, “They shall suffer, that I may have joy.”‘Stephen burst out, ‘You don’t love me - if you had the tithe of the feeling for me that I have for you, - it would be impossible for you to think for a moment of sacrificing me. But it weighs nothing with you that you are robbing me of my life’s happiness.’Maggie replied, ‘No - I don’t sacrifice you - I couldn’t sacrifice you. But I can’t believe in a good for you, that I feel - that we both feel is a wrong towards others. We can’t choose happiness either for ourselves or for another - we can’t tell where that will lie. We can only choose whether we will indulge ourselves in the present moment or whether we will renounce that for the sake of obeying the divine voice within us - for the sake of being true to all the motives that sanctify our lives. I know that belief is hard - it has slipped from me again and again; but I have felt that if I let it go for ever, I should have no light through the darkness of this life.-courtesy of adrianloo.comThankful because I came across this... I would have forgotten.
10:20 PM
Monday, May 02, 2005
goodbye...
felt kinda funny for not letting friends know what i did this afternoon before going to times' book sale, but i still think everyone needs a bit of space for herself, a private zone which nobody shall step in..
it's nice to have friends around, to share bits of one's life with others. however, some things are better left unsaid --especially for a natural introvert like me :)
seek to understand, and you shall be understood. haha.
anyway, on another note,sometimes i think life is rather unfair.. no matter what position one takes, one is still the wrong party. at times, the damage done is irreversible; so besides the negative feeling experienced because of being blamed, one still has to bear the long-term sore due to destructed friendship(s).
i wish you could understand how difficult was my position. how it was made even more difficult by your withdrawal. how it took me months to get over it.. haha. even until now, i think i'm not completely over it.. the remains of the friendship stays with me; part of me don't want to part with it, still waiting for the time when the friendship could be rebuilt. i don't know why i insist.. perhaps because with you, i could have long conversations about literally everything and be sure that you are listening. and even the silent moments with you felt so comfortable. i guess a person like you is what i really can call a friend :) but i don't know whether you feel the same way.. haiya.