why do we hold onto things that only bring us pain?
lately, i've found myself asking this one question over, and over
.i've caught myself dailing his number, texting him while i'm asleep, wakin up in the middle of the night, cryin, and reachin next to me, hoping to find him.
it seems like just yesterday when everything was going just right.
how did things change so quickly?
i'm tryin everythin in my power, just not to shed a tear.
time only brings change and it seems i learned that the hard way.
i just wish i could have frozen everythin durin the time we were together.
he's the first thing i think about i think about when i wake up, the last thing i think about before my eyes close at night, and lord knows how many times i think about him during the day.
this whole thing is just like a terrible nightmare.
life seems so much more complicated without him, but it doesnt seem that much easier with him.
each day is harder, cause he's not there to make me smile.
i just wish he would realize that my world's now in shades of grey, rather than in color, like it used to be.
i miss all the little things that made him stand out from every other guy i've ever met.
i miss our stupid little fights over every lil thing.
i miss see-ing the ever so wide smile on his face that glows with a hi.
i miss him callin me, just to talk about literally nothing.
i miss the what did i call you for reason, i miss the ive called to ask you some very stupid questions.
every day it seems to hurt worse and i don't know how much more i can take.
i thought i was a strong girl, but now, my opinon has seemed to have changed.
why must you still dwell on the past and not move on to accept someone new.
its not a tradition you should follow and i might just be the right one.
i keep thinking its because the feelings are not mutual but it dont seem to be the case.maybe the problem is i cared way too much, and you never really cared enough.
maybe you lied to spike me half the timey.
i lose sleep every night, tossin and turnin, just wondering if you're alright.
wondering if someday you would tell me you have given up on her and decided that its me that you loved.
i'll crumble, and tell you how much i missed you.
i will tell you all these while how ive been feeling and how long ive waited.
with tears in my eyes, telling you.
having you is a dream come through.
but i know when i wake up, everything just disappears.
its a dream, and its never a reality.

[stolen]

'twas an entry from a friend's blog.. beautiful, in a sad way. but sometimes i am just amazed by how much a person can actually loves someone until it doesn't matter even if it hurts. hmm. yet to feel it! as jolene and i was discussing, "will we ever fall in love?"
good question, no answer! haa.

will blog about my birthday tomorrow or later at night.. for now, i shall go for fm lecture. yayeee.