a lil flashback..

Friday, April 17, 2009

A senior (I duely respect this senior much) who shall not be named asked me to approach her, saying, "Mar, I heard there are internal problems in Olymphiart organizing committee itself.."
A question which -unfortunately- I couldn't answer immediately. I looked above for a while, then answering, "No, there isn't one".
But the senior pressed, "Somebody approached me and complained to me about it."
To which my answer was, "No, there isn't one. None that I know of anyway."
The senior kept pressing, "I heard the complain that the organizing comittee doesn't get the essence of Olymphiart itself -that is, togetherness-".
But my answer was still the same :) (and it was an honest answer! I didn't know if there was any problem with us getting the essence of this whole thing)
The senior would probably have kept pressing me had Uno didn't suddenly show up. Luckily he did, and the senior asked him instead; good thing, his answer was the same as mine :)

Okay, so the above paragraph doesn't actually warrant any problem. I am just rather subdued that people could easily come up to that senior, complaining (do they even know what they're complaining about?), without bothering to fix the problem with the OC itself first. Purely childlike behavior, if I might add.

The rest of the day proceeded with football and vocal group competitions.

By the way,
Have I ever thought that no-Mocca-at-Gathering-Night as a gift? Never, not even in my dreams. But it actually is :) How? It's rather complex to describe, so let's just put it as, one less attraction for Gathering Night enables the rest of Olymphiart to proceed.
Talk about blessing in disguise.
Anyway, this should remind me, out of anything, that:
God always knows best, so never have doubt in your faith.


Saturday, April 18, 2009 i.e TODAY

It's the day of Amazing Race : 13.00H-17.00H

I was supposed to be in-charge for one small station where teams that arrive there should switch their left-right shoes and tie it together with a partner before being sent off to a big station. A small station.
But because of one thing that led to another, I was suddenly in charge of the triathlon. A BIG station. The FIRST station. THE STARTING POINT.
FYI, readers, if you do happen to know me well, I am one who always have to be prepared for every damn thing, even to the minute details. I hate it when I am not prepared, and the unpreparedness would haunt me throughout.

During the course of the triathlon itself, participants were supposed to complete four traditional-competition-type tasks. I was rather clueless about the competition itself, and, as a result, I was unprepared. As a result, I lost my air of 'coolness' to the point that an excitatory stimuli may just be enough to cause me to 'burn'. There were, unfortunately, a helluva stimuli; be it the uncooperating participants, the "where-are-the-******?" moments, the "sorry-we-broke-the-******" moments, etc. So, there I was: burnt -and I believe it was not a pleasant sight nor sound for the senses-

Regrets? Yes. Definitely. I wasn't myself. I am sorry.

"And so we give in to temptation, all the while knowing come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences"

And I am guilty..

Anyways. Everyone seems to have started studying for SOOCA :( it kills me inside that i haven't even touched any notes.. but i haven't found the drive within me to start. I know that, without the drive, there'd be no chance of me excelling.
However, as a friend puts it, let the dogs bark.

Something that I learnt this week is, being altruistic is extremely difficult, especially if one is happen to be born with lack of self-sacrificing quality. You know one of those moments when someone else gets the appreciation for the good work that you have done, and that someone does not even bother to appreciate you back -not the slightest- ? Instead, she shamelessly push you to work even more for the cause (while you already know full well that no credits will be given to you)? I had that particular encounter yesterday :(
I was pretty devastated, but a few hours of reflection got me back up.. As he puts it, when such thing happens, just re-evaluate your goals, and think whether this work you do is consistent with what you really want in the end. And if it is, there is nothing in this world, let alone just a shameless b*tch, may stop you from achieving it.
Live your dream true to yourself.

I did say I want to blog about SLBN Cicendo.. but i'm currently in no mood on writing about it. So, let's save it for another day.

yesterday's opening ceremony was a BLAST ! filled with free-flowing ice creams, drinks, brought-to-life fairytale characters, and of course.. the proletarians of four countries : 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008.
shouldn't disclose any further info about the ceremony, though, 'coz it is kinda reserved by the blogs competing in Olymphiart's very own blog competition.. still curious? for details of the ceremony, click here or this. There are other blogs, but those two gave the most comprehensive description, i think :)

anyway.. i was very tired after the ceremony; i went straight to deep slumber when i reached my place :D (and only woke up at 5 am)

today, i went for this thing called extramural activity -an activity carried out once per semester as a part of bioethics & humaniora programme, a compulsory subject in my course of study-. Went to Sekolah Luar Biasa Cicendo (translate : School for People with Disabilities). Will blog about this tomorrow, I think.. I'm too sleepy to continue typing. It is, after all, almost 3 AM..

I've been reading my old entries for the past few hours.. What a life I had in Singapore :) full of emotions -laughters and cries-

Anyway.. I read the entries for a reason. I am currently faced with a situation similar to what I encountered almost four years ago. I am determined that the outcome is not the same..

What bugged me these days are not these stuff, though. It is something else.. Probably as a result of certain failure in my oral stage of psychodevelopment, I have grown as an individual who can easily "fall". Recently, there has been one particular stimuli which intermittently pushes me backward and pull me back up. I am rocked, and I don't like it. It would be easier if it just goes away, but I'm not sure I want it to go away (actually, it kinda feels like guilty pleasure for now). I'm trying to balance myself as best as I could, but as experience had it, I tend to not be balanced anyway -I tend to follow my heart, ignoring my head- only to realize in the end that, I should have learned my balancing acts more dilligently..

history is there so that mankind doesn't repeat mistakes done in the past, but can we ever do so?


Updates!
It was election day yesterday.. and.. I confess I am guilty of not voting! I had no opinion about which party or senator will be best representing me.. so I chose not to say anything. I'm sorry, dear Indonesia.. Next time I'll do better than this.

OLYMPHIART is coming in three days' time. Hopefully our hard work, sweats and tears have not gone in waste; hopefully this competition brings forth to all the campus community what it is supposed to bring: joy, fun, and togetherness. Amin.

It's been three months since I joined Senat and Olymphiart OC.. and boy, what vast knowledge, what colorful experience I've encountered.. Ecstasy, dismay, drive, pushing-through-when-everything-seems-impossible.. True, it presents the challenge of balancing studies and work, and probably it requires a certain sacrifice on fun, but the whole experience has not been less than satisfying.

Another benefit that I have come to experience is,
that in the process of doing all these, I begin to come to terms with myself. I begin to let myself be, not controlling it so much. I begin to let loose. I begin to dream again. Like a cripple suddenly having a newfound faith, I who have been wounded and scared, is earning the will to learn to walk again.
The work smoothes it out, but I know this awakening is first initiated by YOU.
Thankyou so much.