And the reason why I want to leave doesn't stop there…

Sighs. People have been giving me 'lectures' on how I will regret ever leaving Singapore, and how I should learn how to appreciate what I've got here.

I'll always support your decision, but you've got to think about it really carefully.
This is the best of the lot, meaning it makes me responsible single-handedly for whatever I choose. Probably the person just doesn’t want me to regret in the end.

Many people would probably KILLto be where you are right now, and you are just going to throw it away?
Of course nobody wants to kill being me. It's not as if NUS degree guarantees 100% of me having good job and all. It's not as if it is very difficult to get to this course, to this university. A few thousand people do it every year, by the way.
Edit: I have to admit, though, today on my way to Changi, someone actually said she would kill to get into NUS… sigh. Take my place if you want, by all means!

Nobody cares whether you've got scholarship or not. After all, scholarship means more money, that’s all.
I care! I care! Scholarship doesn't only mean money (anyway money means a lot to me!). It speaks about one as a person, and one's brain as a brain (get me?).

Everyone has got choices. You've got a choice to be strong or to be weak. Choose to be strong!
Why do I have to choose to be strong? I am choosing to be weak for the moment because I know I have to be really much stronger in the future. Life here is just so certain, stable and, I should say, LIMBO. Life in Indo will be much more exciting.. there is an element (many more elements, actually) of uncertainty there. Will I get to go uni there? Will I get the course I want? Will I be able to adapt all over again? See, Indo requires more more more strength to survive.

All in all, I just want to say: I do not hate Singapore, as much as I complain about its "fakeness", its sucky education system, some of its really cold people, its individuality and its over-organized-ness. I don’t, ok? My four years here have been fruitful, I learnt many things and did many things that I thought I could never do before (like, running 2.4K non-stop or survive juggling studies-cca-life or book my own flight tickets and pack/unpack my stuff and many more, actually). Nonetheless, I have never been a perfect fit to the education system and to the whole merit-based system (as I said before), so I should go (or at least, it’s okay for me to go).

I need to leave. I want to live the life I want to be. Conrad said, "We live as we dream, alone." I need to live what I've been dreaming of, even though it will be a lonely affair where everyone who used to support me now is turning his/her back. I need to be the book that I want to read, the play that I want to watch. I want to be the story that, when people reads it, then they"ll know who I truly am.

Will I end up regretting?

No, I'm determined not to. Life is simple: you make decisions and you don't look back. (the only thing I remembered from watching Tokyo Drift).

I'll miss Singapore food (sliced fish noodle, sea coconut desserts, ice kachang, suki sushi, pasta mania, various congee during my unwell periods, stingray suppers, etc.etc) and the cinemas and the superb stores (and of course the Great Singapore Sale). I'll miss you guys definitely as I have always been throughout my eight months post-a-level holiday.. But we all know what happen to "Forever Friends" and the likes, right? Yeap… so if we're destined to be friends again in the future, somehow we'll probably bump to each other again.. And I have u guys' number.. and MSN.. so even though I probably wont call/talk to you the very next day after I leave, we'll still talk when we want to or when there is a need to. That's the beautiful thing about friendship.. you can freeze it anytime due to distance, time difference, work, etc. but when you meet, you can pick it up right where you left..

Tonight I'll be meeting my parents for the discussion over this thing… this is the second time they fly here just to convince me not to leave Singapore actually.. but this time, I'll come prepared and determined. I'll fight my cause to the very last strand of hope, I'll compromise to my last bottle of strength.. to be what I want to be.

Wish me well!

EDIT:
I did it, people!
1. I talked my father into buying all my reasons. He understood, though confessed that he was terribly "sad" and "disappointed". My mother, on the other hand, held on to her views (I found this unsurprising and was not daunted by this, because... well, let's say I'm just so used to this aspect of her) and would most probably be mad at me the moment I set my foot back at home. Am scared, but.. time would heal the wounds? Sounds cliche, eh? But cliche are cliches for being so ordinarily true.
2. I have withdrawn from the university. (some part of me felt real proud doing that.. eventhough it looked stupid..I mean, this vibrant uni is no.22 in the world and i rejected it?? Like tennis legend John McEnroe said, "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!" Haha. Not as if I am going to better uni lah)
3. I will be heading back Indo very soon. That is, the moment my checking-out date from PGP is confirmed by OSA. (So, no, I don't know when I'm going back yet.)

I don't know why, but despite all the grieves that will come with farewells and goodbyes, I feel surprisingly light at the moment (not scale-wise, of course! me + my luggage will definitely reach 100kg over! haha).. happy.. relaxed.. and excited. I am excited to get to indo public uni, to study that sacred course there, and.. probably.. to find any traces of "down-to-earth"-ness yet again (I find myself becoming more and more arrogant for each day I spend in Singapore). Ei, i'm still young (eventho' 20 years old already...), so I still have room for mistakes, for improvement, etc. etc... So are you.. So make sure that you're having fun in whatever field you're doing, ok! Love you all! Or am I just being overoptimistic.. hehhee.