drunk and i'm feeling down
and i just wanna be alone
i'm pissed cause you came around
why don't you just go home?
cause you channel all your pain
and i can't help to fix myself
your making me insane
all i can say is

i tear my heart open, i sow myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel

i tried to help you once
a kiss will only vise
i saw you going down
but you never realized
that your drowning in the water
so i offered you my hand
compassions in my nature
tonight is our last dance

i'm drunk and i'm feeling down
and i just wanna be alone
you shouldn't ever came around
why don't you just go home?
cause your drowning in the water
and i tried to grab your hand
and i left my heart open
but you didn't understand
but you didn't understand

you fix yourself
i can't help you fix yourself
but at least i can say i tried
i'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life

[scars - papa roach]

somehow felt that this song very aptly described my emotional torture last night yeah. for the past two days (ok, three including today, but so far i haven't broken down yet.. so counted? not counted?) been feeling down, down, down.. combinations of reasons, i s'ppose, but there is always a major factor.

eh he he... i noticed that, these days, when i'm having bad mood, it's usually because of one thing: people taking me for granted. there were two incidents last week in particular, and there were some this week, but mostly it happens throughout. which sometimes make me question, man what did i do to deserve all these??? but then again, there is always a spark of light in all this darkness.. despite all those being unappreciated both mentally and physically by some, i guess there really exist some who really, really understand me, my nature, and who can accept me for who i am. those, are the peeps i can call real. you see, everybody started off at equal grounds in this game of friendships, but time does its elimination job.. after a while, i am bound to see others' true colour and they are bound to see mine. when i can accept theirs as it is, and they can accept mine as it is (of course this gotta be proven.. sweet-talk doesn't work!), that is when it is real. yupp. and this thing is going at the rate of 4 per two years during my stay in SG.. which is a lil pathetic, but hey, not that bad, either.

erm.. for those of you who have no clue about whatever i was talking about in the previous paragraph.. nevermind. don't bother. you'd better go study for ur a-levels.

anyway. back to the bad mood thingy. after much thoughts, came to the conclusion that yea: i was taken for granted (could be read as: always around, will agree to _____, will never disagree to ____, will not mind if ____, use as you wish-discard after use, don't need to be thanked to, blah, blah. i could go on). i think after realising that those stuff were all one got back after putting in so much, it is easy to see the three Ds looming: demoralisation. disillusionment. depression.

okey la better stop. this entry sounds very, erm, black and psychopat-like.