Stupidly went to Physics "S" lesson on Thursday thinking that I have done my work and shall be able to benefit from the session.. But when the lesson started only then I realized that actually... bleah, I did the wrong sets of questions. Damndamndamn. I ended up just stoning in that lecture theatre; luckily Pat sat next to me.. she is always entertaining. Oh yeah, and I would forever remember that teacher's face (Mr Koh or something like that), so LJ-look alike! Hahaha.. roommate, wanna me to intro you to him?

Anyway. Yesterday's double F.Maths test were surprisingly okay. As in. Haha, I know I lost five marks for the P&C question (I totally ignored the other objects when settling the restrictions, a mistake that should sound quite familiar to me by now!), but I am confident about the probability question. For mechanics, I am quite certain I could pass this time. Let's just pray la.

During guitar, Kee Meng said some funny expression that I still don't really get. Naturally, as he is the President, people who want to go toilet in the middle of the practice session feel obliged to ask his permission. So there was this girl, asking him, "Kee Meng, I need to go toilet leh. How?" So he gave the permission. But once the girl went out of the room, he announced to me, "This kind of question is very embarassing leh." And I don't know why I find it funny. Why does it feel embarassing anyway? It's just some kind of courtesy, to ask the boss for permission, right? Okay, my sense of humour is weird. Okay.

Astro was FUUNNNN. Haha. We had barbeque behind the sports complex. Ate quite a number of sausages, crabstick and fishballs and felt wayy full after the BBQ. The atmosphere was light. There were many stars observed, including Cyrus and Orion belt (Orion is niceee!). But the best part was the reddish moon.. It's soooo cool. Furthermore, using the thousand-something telescope, we were able to see the crates of the moon, casting dark shadows on the surface of the moon. It kinda reminded me of my childhood comics, Sailormoon (haha, I know it's irrelevant, but anyway).

Went back hostel, feeling void and tired (especially since Timo & Chun left earlier as Michelle offered them a ride, leaving all the girls to do the "dirty" work of cleaning-up and bringing back all equipments.. Talk about gentlemanliness).. But I couldn't sleep because roommate and Eng Hooi were playing guitar (thanks to them, I can force myself to bathe!) haha. After bathing, it felt much better, so I went around to ask for maths notes (I carelessly left mine in Beethoven Room) to Sher-and-Pat's room. Theeeenn.. I discovered that Pat-Adrian-Stanley-Ben-Johan would be playing for the Gamma House Function next friday.. but the best part is, they'd be playing Box Car Racer's There Is... YIPPPPPIIEEEEEE! Given that, I would definitely come to the function! Hahaha.. Oh, and it would be the last performance for the band, because Ben would be flying off to M'sia by June to become a pilot or something like that.. Hmm, quite sad, huh?

On another note,
I read Winnie's livejournal today and myohmy, how she got me wrong! Okay, I used the word "him" instead of anything else, but it doesn't mean it's Walnuttttttttt. Seriously speaking, it's not Walnut. I like him for what?? Haha. Winnie, if you read this, do get this into your mind whenever you start guessing, ok: you'd hardly expect this guy (who I like) to be the kind of guy who I like. Serious! Haha. So, it's not Walnut arh, don't start on me already.

Moving on,
For the past few days, I sort of able to feel that there has been a change in him. I don't know what.. but he seems to deliberately try to be nicer to me, as if there has been some guilt building up in him that he has to make up to by, well, treating me better. Somehow, though, while I enjoy it, I also despise it at the same time. Why now? Why can't he display that kind of gesture in the past, when what I needed was the hand of a friend reaching out to me? Why when everybody didn't want to have anything to do with me, when the crowd treated me as some kind of substandard being, he also had to treat me that way? And now, now that I am settled and I have peers around me, supporting me and vice-versa, why is it that he starts to show the same thing? He would only befriend me when everybody else thinks it's okay to befriend me, is that it? It's so fucking sickening!

I mean, I didn't do this to him when he was all alone, when he approached me for help to do all those things for him.. I didn't..ignore him. Only when it was clear that he did not want to have anything to do with me that I realized that this friendship was over; it failed the test; then only that I started to make myself appear to be moving on with my life. But deep down, who knows better than I do about myself? Who knows that I am still grieving over the loss, over the wound that doesn't seem to be healing despite whatever I do on the surface? Fuck you. But then again, I can't say that to you in reality. (Reminds me of the conversation with the class peeps before FM A test yesterday: how I wish I could just point my middle finger to anybody who pisses me off, like what Sherwin did).